so this is the new year...

Last night was all kinds of boring. I stayed up late and watched the ball drop but I wasn't with friends and I didn't get my midnight kiss. I learned a few things about myself though.

I was pretty scared that I had lost the capacity to love someone romantically after being in some pretty messed up relationships, ones that my parents don't even know the extent of. I found out last night that I have fallen for someone. What an inconvenient time for this to happen huh? I mean I'm about to leave for basic and I can't even tell this guy that he's everything that I could want in a guy. We stayed up talking the entire night and I mean from around 3 in the afternoon until 1 AM (1500-0100 :]_) and he was the guy who wished me happy new year first and I think that made me realize how much I truly care for him. We talk every day but he still worries that he's gonna miss getting to say goodbye to me before basic and has sworn that he'll right me. We've never had anymore than a friendship but in the time since we've met and been talking he has not had a girlfriend and I can't seem to keep a boyfriend because no matter what, he's always there for me and I know in the back of my mind that he is one of my best friend who I'll never be able to shake...

The next thing I learned is how utterly resilient I am. I was thinking about this time last year. I couldn't remember where I was on New Years Eve.... and it really bothered me. I knew I didn't go to a party or anything but then I went to watch the bowl games that were on today and the Sun Bowl was on. I was in the marching band for USF last year and we went to that bowl.We lost and were cold and had to get on a plane right after the game ended and the pilot told us when it reached midnight in Tampa. We didn't actually get home til 0200 that morning though. That plane ride brought me to the new year and to all the issues I've had this year. I mean my grandmother died, I wanted to die, I lost all my friends from college, I moved home, got kicked out, was homeless for two months and ended up having to quit my job at Busch Gardens to move in with my older sister who then turned out to be a huge bitch and ended up right back in with my parents.... I have made it through all that and I'm tough to the point where I can work through anything that comes my way but not too tough to where I won't let anyone in.

I am hoping that on January 5th everything will fall into place. I called my recruiter to ask her about the interview and she said that they were in and out of the office so much that it's best to just wait to do it until then. My only issue is the stupid ARMS test. There is no way I'm gonna lose 12 pounds before I go back to MEPS but I have lost a few pounds in the past few days so maybe I can make it happen. If I don't get down to the weight I need to be then I have to re-do that ARMS test. My recruiter told me if I was still at the same body fat % that I wouldn't have to take it but still I just don't know if that's true because from what I've read if I don't get back to MEPS within 30 days of the ARMS test then I have to take it again but I don't know if that includes weekends and holidays... if it doesn't then I'll get back in time for sure.

Anyway thats the update on my life. I'm going to try to blog more regularly again so that I can get all of my thoughts out of my head before I leave for Basic so I can go in with a clear head ready to learn how to be a better me. I hope everyone had a wonderful night and an amazing new year!