Christmas Lights - Paul Baribeau
fresh snow on the suburbs
staying at my parents
it hasn't been a good year
but things are all right here
sleeping in the spare room
that used to be my bedroom
even though I'm home now
I feel completely homeless
I'm looking at the moon
shining on the snow
and everything was blue
except the Christmas lights
walking round the basement
where my band used to practice
sometimes I don't want to make new friends
sometimes I just miss my old friends
but I'm seeing someone new now
she calms my heart down
but I'm too scared to tell her
how crazy I can get sometimes
I'm looking at the moon
shining on the snow
and everything was blue
except the Christmas lights
I never feel better after I cry
I spent 6 months of my life just wanting to die
I'm learning how to be alone without be lonely
learning how to be lonely without losing my mind
I'm looking at the moon
shining on the snow
and everything was blue
except the Christmas lights
that song really gets to me ... actually a lot of songs are getting to me lately... as the army grows nearer and nearer im forced to think back to what i'm leaving behind. because i'm up here in tally, i don't have the same goodbyes to say. I've done that already. It's more the mourning of my innocent ignorant life that I led. I've lost quite literally all of my college friends. They left for a few different reasons. I went into a funk when my grandma died and then I just got to a low point and I didn't know how to tell people what was going on. Maybe they just weren't that great of friends in the first place or maybe I really fucked it up on my own. Either way it's hard to look back at my days at USF and know that no one there thinks about me anymore or even cared enough to try to break through the wall I put up. Anyone who knew me in high school saw me at my very best and worst day in and out. They accepted my bitchiness that came from Matt being an ass and accepted when I was really happy and crazy. I don't know what makes my high school friends different from my college friends. Maybe it's familiarity, maybe it's the fact that they are real friends. All I know is that I can't think about my college friends without wanting to cry. I mean I got into a ton of fights with my very best friends in high school and I could still go crying to them when I needed it. Even to this day, I haven't seen people in almost a year and they still stay in touch and keep me motivated and they even are willing to write to me to cheer me up while I'm in the army. I don't get it. I miss my old life anytime I stop to think about it but I know that this new life I'm going into will be better and I will take my closest friends with me as well and that they will be there for me even when I do the unthinkable.
The only friend from college that I lost that really hurts me when I think about it is my friend Tony. i love that kid more than anything and I try to keep in touch with him and let him know what I'm doing and I know that he replaced me a long time ago and that he's busy but I still think back to all the all county things and fow and football games we shared and I think to how he put up with me even when I was bitchy and how we were just amazing friends and maybe it was too much to have be implode on him but I guess it's good that I lost him at this point instead of later on when I really really needed him.
fresh snow on the suburbs
staying at my parents
it hasn't been a good year
but things are all right here
sleeping in the spare room
that used to be my bedroom
even though I'm home now
I feel completely homeless
I'm looking at the moon
shining on the snow
and everything was blue
except the Christmas lights
walking round the basement
where my band used to practice
sometimes I don't want to make new friends
sometimes I just miss my old friends
but I'm seeing someone new now
she calms my heart down
but I'm too scared to tell her
how crazy I can get sometimes
I'm looking at the moon
shining on the snow
and everything was blue
except the Christmas lights
I never feel better after I cry
I spent 6 months of my life just wanting to die
I'm learning how to be alone without be lonely
learning how to be lonely without losing my mind
I'm looking at the moon
shining on the snow
and everything was blue
except the Christmas lights
that song really gets to me ... actually a lot of songs are getting to me lately... as the army grows nearer and nearer im forced to think back to what i'm leaving behind. because i'm up here in tally, i don't have the same goodbyes to say. I've done that already. It's more the mourning of my innocent ignorant life that I led. I've lost quite literally all of my college friends. They left for a few different reasons. I went into a funk when my grandma died and then I just got to a low point and I didn't know how to tell people what was going on. Maybe they just weren't that great of friends in the first place or maybe I really fucked it up on my own. Either way it's hard to look back at my days at USF and know that no one there thinks about me anymore or even cared enough to try to break through the wall I put up. Anyone who knew me in high school saw me at my very best and worst day in and out. They accepted my bitchiness that came from Matt being an ass and accepted when I was really happy and crazy. I don't know what makes my high school friends different from my college friends. Maybe it's familiarity, maybe it's the fact that they are real friends. All I know is that I can't think about my college friends without wanting to cry. I mean I got into a ton of fights with my very best friends in high school and I could still go crying to them when I needed it. Even to this day, I haven't seen people in almost a year and they still stay in touch and keep me motivated and they even are willing to write to me to cheer me up while I'm in the army. I don't get it. I miss my old life anytime I stop to think about it but I know that this new life I'm going into will be better and I will take my closest friends with me as well and that they will be there for me even when I do the unthinkable.
The only friend from college that I lost that really hurts me when I think about it is my friend Tony. i love that kid more than anything and I try to keep in touch with him and let him know what I'm doing and I know that he replaced me a long time ago and that he's busy but I still think back to all the all county things and fow and football games we shared and I think to how he put up with me even when I was bitchy and how we were just amazing friends and maybe it was too much to have be implode on him but I guess it's good that I lost him at this point instead of later on when I really really needed him.
oh and I'm not being emo in the title... it's from the song The Ultimate Cover Up - The Audition
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