oday i woke up and i felt really motivated. i got a really nice comment on my blog and even though i've only had one it's nice to know that people are reading and think that i've got my head in the right place.
today i plan on going on a nice 2 mile run. I'm going to push myself and see how fast I can finish it so I know how much time I have to shave off so I can pass the physical test in basic. I feel like if I'm in the best shape before basic then I'll have more time to focus on what their trying to instill in me. I know I'm going to be broken down to the point where I question why I even decided to be in the Army but I also know that the instructors will then build me up to be the strongest person I have ever been and honestly that is all that I want right now. The chance to be strong and do something that matters.I could still be at USF right now partying and getting my degree but honestly I don't think that I could have lasted much longer doing what I was doing.
I tend to babble sometimes to my parents about my plans and I can tell they don't believe me right now. I understand this because I never really proved myself to be anything other than an extraordinarily intelligent screw up. I want to prove myself and prove to myself that I can make something of myself. That's so important. That and I love my country. I don't want to get up on a soapbox but I honestly do love the United States.
It's so weird to go from not saying the pledge in high school to having this level of patriotism, but I think that when you're life is as messed up as mine was and you go soul searching you find out a lot about yourself. I have been a leader most of my life but as soon as I entered college I lost my need to lead because I didn't know what I was doing. I should have gone my own way and figured it out that way I could claim my mistakes myself instead of realizing that if I hadn't spent so much time worrying about what people think then I wouldn't have made some of the choices. It's okay though, they're still my mistakes and for once in my life I'm going to own up to them.
I have a crazy amount of debt to my name for someone who didn't take out loans. There's a lot of discrepancies as well on my credit report such as utility payments and a 20,000 college loan from when I was 12. I'll take this moment to explain that the only person who could have done something like that would be my older "sister" and to reemphasize the fact that as soon as I'm stationed at a base out of training that I will figure this enigma out.
We'll that's about all for today. I ned to get some sort of breakfast food into me then I'm grabbing a watch and going on the lovely run.
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