sniffles and sneezes

This post was actually for yesterday so here you go:

Last night I got into a fight with my parents... maybe fight isn't the right word. More like all of my frustration from the Army pushing my dates back on me is finally starting to catch up with me and it doesn't take much to set me off lately. Usually when I'm upset I just go for a run and it all melts away like sweat even though I really feel like I should be working on my sit ups and push ups more. Monday is the day that I'm hoping to finally do my interview and I still don't know if my ARMS test will be invalidated because of the time that's past or if it will still count because I would already be in MEPS if it weren't for the holidays. With New Years Eve on Thursday I just want to get this stuff over with witout having to do the ARMS test again because I don't know if I could do it without the motivation that the nurse who gave it to me last time provided. I guess I'll just have to ask my recruiter about it when I call her today. They said it would take me at least 4 months to lose the amount of body fat I was over healthily... so I really don't feel like waiting 4 months.

On a completely different topic, I don't know if I've ever mentioned this but I am an avid reader. For Christmas all I got were books.. haha. I just love reading. I read MASH on Christmas day and I loved it! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I love the movie and TV series as well. Yesterday I recieved a book I had ordered in the mail called My War by Colby Buzzell. I'm sure anyone who reads military blogs has heard all about him and quite frankly it's his blog that made me want to start my own. When I started reading his book I really connected with the fact that his life was going nowhere. I mean my post high school life was going nicely enough for a short time. I took classes, college was free, I moved out of my parents house. But things always fall apart and for him he wanted to do something "fun" for a couple of years and although I plan on being in the Army for a very long time, I still have that same longing to go into the war zone and get my hands dirty so to speak. I'm going to be a combat medic and although the idea of being in a hospital stateside administering sponge baths sounds like a dream come true, not, I would much rather be out there learning new techniques and helping save lives. I want to get into a good medical school and most of the other people my age who are trying for the same thing are out there doing research and shadowing docotors in their chosen specialty so I really should have something to put on my resume to show that I didn't waste my time by not applying for internships etc.
Another thing that's been on my mind lately is my family. With the economy the way it is I feel truly awful that I've been mooching off of them for so long. So to rectify this situation I'm going to be sending them part of my pay each month. Only a couple hundred dollars but still enough to help them out with bills which they are falling behind on and to give my youngest sister *who's 11* some of the same opportunities I had at her age. I was a prodigous musician and I went to all sorts of camps and weekend music festivals and played whenever I got a chance and I would think that she would like to go to a music camp or maybe even a soccer camp since she's been playing soccer forever. When I was in middle school my mom pulled every string for me and to this day she'll remind me that in 8th grade 2nd semester I was on 2 softball teams* rec league and travelling*, my school's soccer team, a soloist in jazz band, a singer in the elite singing group for the school, in regular band, and she kept me in the best clothes without missing a beat. I don't see why my sister can't look back in 10 years and say the same things about her middle school years. Of course nowadays its more about the technology instead of the sports but it doesn't matter to me as long as she's happy.
Well that's honestly about all I have to say so far today. I have a head cold that I can't shake and I'm hoping and praying for my interview and a quick trip to MEPS so wish me luck!

once again your lies still give me the heartache to continue

Christmas Lights - Paul Baribeau
fresh snow on the suburbs 
staying at my parents
it hasn't been a good year
but things are all right here

sleeping in the spare room
that used to be my bedroom
even though I'm home now
I feel completely homeless

I'm looking at the moon
shining on the snow
and everything was blue
except the Christmas lights

walking round the basement
where my band used to practice
sometimes I don't want to make new friends
sometimes I just miss my old friends

but I'm seeing someone new now
she calms my heart down
but I'm too scared to tell her
how crazy I can get sometimes

I'm looking at the moon
shining on the snow
and everything was blue
except the Christmas lights


I never feel better after I cry
I spent 6 months of my life just wanting to die
I'm learning how to be alone without be lonely
learning how to be lonely without losing my mind


I'm looking at the moon
shining on the snow
and everything was blue
except the Christmas lights


that song really gets to me ... actually a lot of songs are getting to me lately... as the army grows nearer and nearer im forced to think back to what i'm leaving behind. because i'm up here in tally, i don't have the same goodbyes to say. I've done that already. It's more the mourning of my innocent ignorant life that I led. I've lost quite literally all of my college friends. They left for a few different reasons. I went into a funk when my grandma died and then I just got to a low point and I didn't know how to tell people what was going on. Maybe they just weren't that great of friends in the first place or maybe I really fucked it up on my own. Either way it's hard to look back at my days at USF and know that no one there thinks about me anymore or even cared enough to try to break through the wall I put up. Anyone who knew me in high school saw me at my very best and worst day in and out. They accepted my bitchiness that came from Matt being an ass and accepted when I was really happy and crazy. I don't know what makes my high school friends different from my college friends. Maybe it's familiarity, maybe it's the fact that they are real friends. All I know is that I can't think about my college friends without wanting to cry. I mean I got into a ton of fights with my very best friends in high school and I could still go crying to them when I needed it. Even to this day, I haven't seen people in almost a year and they still stay in touch and keep me motivated and they even are willing to write to me to cheer me up while I'm in the army. I don't get it. I miss my old life anytime I stop to think about it but I know that this new life I'm going into will be better and I will take my closest friends with me as well and that they will be there for me even when I do the unthinkable. 
The only friend from college that I lost that really hurts me when I think about it is my friend Tony. i love that kid more than anything and I try to keep in touch with him and let him know what I'm doing and I know that he replaced me a long time ago and that he's busy but I still think back to all the all county things and fow and football games we shared and I think to how he put up with me even when I was bitchy and how we were just amazing friends and maybe it was too much to have be implode on him but I guess it's good that I lost him at this point instead of later on when I really really needed him.

oh and I'm not being emo in the title... it's from the song The Ultimate Cover Up - The Audition

So Christmas came and went without much incident. I'm getting more bogged down in the fact that I haven't gotten a call from my recruiter about this interview but I mean, it is the day after Christmas. I just don't want to have to do that ARMS test again. It was terrible the first time and although in the month it's been since that first MEPS trip I've gotten in much better shape, I still don't like the prospect of stepping up and down on that box again. Especially if I didn't get the same nurse giving it to me. She encouraged me and I'm pretty sure she let me slide on my last push up which was more up that push. I know that I could do the ARMS test again and probably with more ease than before but I just don't feel all that great about it anyway. 

I am so excited thought, to think that I could be leaving in the next couple of weeks. It's an amazing feeling to see the finish line of my civilian life looming in the distance. I'm the type of person that needs everything in my life to be meticulously organized and to be told what to do, when and how so I think that the Army will be my home for as long as they want to keep me.

I am also excited to finally start learning again. I love learning new things and although I tried to study some of the Army material I feel like I'll enjoy it more with other people who I'll be forming lifelong bonds with. 

Maybe I'm romanticizing the Army life but I've talked with plenty of people who love it and who wouldn't trade it for the world and I can't wait to get in there and actually be proud of what I'm doing.

I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas!! :]

nightmare before christmas *literally*

To help you out with the  reading of this I am 19, My older sister from my mom's first marriage is Michelle she's 23 and has stolen my identity and money countless times but I can't prove anything. Kyrsten is 17 and Mackenzie is 11. Happy Reading I just woke up and I can not seem to fall back to sleep even though it's only 7 in the morning. I woke up from a dream about Christmas and it's so vivid that I'm hoping this isn't the way things happen.. so I'm gonna let you know what it was... Okay so in the dream it's Christmas and we've already opened our presents, I'm playing rock band with Mackenzie and my dad *that's one of Mackenzies presents lol* and Kyrsten happens to come running up saying Michelle *older bitch* will be here soon. So I keep playing my little drum set and I'm trying to figure out what to say finally I settle on Merry Christmas and I let that go. So she walks in the door and everyone else says "Merry Christmas Michelle" and right when she's about to walk off to talk to my mom I say *loud and cheerful as can be* "Merry Christmas Michelle!"... she just shoots me a dirty look and walks away. So then it's present opening time, and mind you I already know that she's gotten my parents and sisters really expensive presents but it's okay she didn't get me anything. So I ooh and ahh over everyone's gift, laugh at my dad's facial expression when he opens his *he honestly hate's this girl because it's not his daughter and she tries to hurt our family*. And then Michelle shoots this like self righteous look at me because she's gotten herself a present and wrapped it to open up here. So by then Mackenzie is now playing a Nintendo DS game *she's such a funny little nerd* and my mom is getting everything ready for dinner *we always have turkey* and Kyrsten is starting to look upset. She has always been the person Michelle complains the most about our family to. So I notice she's getting upset but I dont really worry about it I just keep reading my book. Then I notice Michelle has gone to talk to my mom and this is the point where I know I'm getting angry * I am only human you have to understand* and I walk outside to where they're talking and Michelle abruptly stops *some subtly on her part would be nice* and I notice Michelle lean over to say something to my mom but it's like she's pulling my mom's hair and threatening her so I get pissed. I am seeing red at this point and I go to grab Michelle's hair and I accidentally grab my moms. At this point Michelle has walked back into the house and is talking to Kyrsten like nothing has happened. I walk up to her and tell her I think it's time she leaves to which she responds "What are you gonna do about it" *please dont forget here that her whole intention on Christmas will be trying to get me to blow up so I will have everyone mad at me* and I said I would really like her to leave and I think everyone else would and so she starts to take her things and walk to the door. Then she turns around and starts yelling about how I'm a thief, I'm a liar, I'm everything bad in the world, oh and I like to torture puppies for fun. So I have finally reached the end of my rope and I say "I'm sorry that you don't have a family but this is MY family MY mom MY dad MY sisters they are not your family, you are a sick sad person who will never amount to more than your crackhead dad who JUST went back to rehab. Stop fucking with my family and get the fuck out!"... * I screamed this in my dream btw* So then she punches me in the face. Hard. Now those of you who know me could probably never picture me in a fight and that's because I would never fight someone unless I was scared for my life but this girl is BIG and I just need to get her off of me so I keep swinging and swinging and I'm not connecting any punches and that's how the dream ends. I am terrified that any of that will happen this Thursday. I love my family even though we have had our problems and I'm very protective of them. To me this peon doesn't exist anymore and I only have to put up with one more meeting with her before I go off to become a better person. I can not do anything that will have charges brought up on me nor would I ever instigate a fight but I am nervous non the less. On the Army front today might be the day that I get the call for my interview so I'm really hoping that happens today. It will definitely lessen some of the anxiety that's building up in me. It's gonna be either that or the 2 mile run I'm gonna try to run faster than the 2 miles Saturday lol. I'm keeping my head up and my spirits high and I hope you all are too since it's the Christmas season. I really appreciate all of your support and funny/ sincere comments they make my day and make me feel like I'll come out of Christmas a better person that I am now :]

Sunday's are slow around here

This morning I woke up with my ankles in a lot of pain. I know I have to able to run more than 2 miles when I go to basic but the two miles yesterday were brutal. I have really high arches so I'm hoping it's just a lack of support issue which will be fixed when I get my new shoes since I know wear pumas which have very little support. So I'll just ice them so I can run again tomorrow. Today is my push up and sit up day.

So I think I should mention now that M*A*S*H is one of my favorite shows. I watch it everyday when it comes on from 5-7 or 1700-1900 * I think I should get used to military time ahead of time. But I honestly love the show. I started watching it when I first went and talked to my Army recruiter and I think if I had tried to watch it any other time in my life it would not have had the same appeal to me. 

I stayed up pretty late last night. I was just talking to a friend and I lost track of time. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. He means a lot to me and he always makes me feel better bout life. It's hard to find people like that yet I find myself blessed to have many people like that in my life. I have all of their addresses and they've all promised to write me while I'm away. These friends coupled with my family are the people who I want to make proud while I'm away. 

Today my mom is making a ham dinner. It's been my favorite meal ever since I can remember. I don't know if she's trying to get all the meals I like in or if she just felt in the mood for ham but either way I'm excited. I still haven't received the call from the colonel for my interview and I know it's the weekend so I can only hope that tomorrow my recruiter will call saying everything is ready to go. The whole issue there stems from a traffic ticket that I never took care of so we're waiting for the receipt to come back from Hillsborough County where I used to live.

I've been so used to things being pushed back by now that I can only hope that things will work out nicely for once in my life. I've minded my p's and q's, I've made mistakes but the Army is giving me a second chance so I should bide my time productively.

a little about me...

I feel like if anyone is really going to understand why I'm doing things I should probably explain who I am. I'm not giving away my address or SSN so if you're looking for an easy was to start a new life you can stop looking here haha.

I think that I should start by saying that I love music. Not in the teenage "I love this band!" way, but in the music is my life kind of way. I've always loved listening to music and I've wondered if anyone else has truly felt the same emotions as me while listening to a song. I have played the clarinet for almost 10 years now and I'm lucky to be talented with that. I was going to school to be a professional musician but there are a few factors that stood in my way. I was also lucky to have a natural intelligence. 

I graduated 21st in my class out of I believe over 700 people. This is not for me to brag, I don't believe this defines who I am because being book smart doesn't always play out in the best of ways.

I have never in my life been okay with how I look. I am always surprised when I get a guy who I think is cute to go out with me. I have plenty of self-confidence I just don't know why this area of me has always been such a disappointment. I've always been on the chubby side and when I went to college I gained a LOT of weight. 

I love my family. I really do. I have my mom who I fought with all through high school, and I mean terrible fights where there was yelling and I got kicked out of my house a few times. I have my dad who has always been very supportive of me, always. Even when I've messed up everything I could in my life he was still there saying he knew I could do better. I also have 2 younger sisters. One is very close to my age and as a result we fought a lot growing up. We still fight but now it's not so bad because it doesn't last long and she understands who I am more I think. My youngest sister is 11 and because she is so much younger than me I've never really connected with her the way I feel like I should have. She is one of the kindest people I know though. I also have an older half sister who I honestly have never been able to stand. She would come down during holidays *she's my mother's child* and she always tried to play games to get myself and my younger sister to fight. To this day she still plays mind games and is planning on not talking to me on Christmas. I think that it is petty to put our mother in that situation when I would never do a thing like that. I plan on being nice and talking to her whenever I feel like it incidentally.

I am very strong willed and very opinionated. In high school I was this liberal agnostic and I would go around debating anyone. Now that I've grown a bit I can admit that I am a registered Republican and Catholic to a T. 

I was forced to grow up when I moved out of my parents house. I failed at the growing up thing and because of a series of events became homeless and had to rely on friends for two months. 

I've worked every single day since I turned sixteen and I mean the day I turned 16 was my first day of work. I've worked at a movie theatre, Publix, Dunkin Donuts, and Busch Gardens. 

I have this inane ability to adapt to whatever life throws at me but up until I decided to join the Army I wasn't actively participating in my life. I was "rolling with the punches".

I want more than anything to be an orthopedic surgeon. Med School is a dream of mine that is no longer just a dream thanks to the Army. 

I guess I just kind of wanted to explain who I am in a nut shell and explain my family dynamics so future posts will read as fluidly as possible.

Thanks to those of you who have been reading and please invite your friends. Any advice/encouragement/ thoughts would be appreciated :]

also my email is cnmurphy@ymail.com and I love pen pals

day in and day out... just the usual stuff

oday i woke up and i felt really motivated. i got a really nice comment on my blog and even though i've only had one it's nice to know that people are reading and think that i've got my head in the right place.

today i plan on going on a nice 2 mile run. I'm going to push myself and see how fast I can finish it so I know how much time I have to shave off so I can pass the physical test in basic. I feel like if I'm in the best shape before basic then I'll have more time to focus on what their trying to instill in me. I know I'm going to be broken down to the point where I question why I even decided to be in the Army but I also know that the instructors will then build me up to be the strongest person I have ever been and honestly that is all that I want right now. The chance to be strong and do something that matters.I could still be at USF right now partying and getting my degree but honestly I don't think that I could have lasted much longer doing what I was doing. 

I tend to babble sometimes to my parents about my plans and I can tell they don't believe me right now. I understand this because I never really proved myself to be anything other than an extraordinarily intelligent screw up. I want to prove myself and prove to myself that I can make something of myself. That's so important. That and I love my country. I don't want to get up on a soapbox but I honestly do love the United States.

It's so weird to go from not saying the pledge in high school to having this level of patriotism, but I think that when you're life is as messed up as mine was and you go soul searching you find out a lot about yourself. I have been a leader most of my life but as soon as I entered college I lost my need to lead because I didn't know what I was doing. I should have gone my own way and figured it out that way I could claim my mistakes myself instead of realizing that if I hadn't spent so much time worrying about what people think then I wouldn't have made some of the choices. It's okay though, they're still my mistakes and for once in my life I'm going to own up to them. 

I have a crazy amount of debt to my name for someone who didn't take out loans. There's a lot of discrepancies as well on my credit report such as utility payments and a 20,000 college loan from when I was 12. I'll take this moment to explain that the only person who could have done something like that would be my older "sister" and to reemphasize the fact that as soon as I'm stationed at a base out of training that I will figure this enigma out.

We'll that's about all for today. I ned to get some sort of breakfast food into me then I'm grabbing a watch and going on the lovely run. 

not the best of days

So today has been pretty hard...I still haven't gotten the call to do the interview and with Christmas next week it looks like I wont be able to go to MEPS until after Christmas. I kinda wanted to rub it in my older sisters face that while she's getting herself into a ton of debt with law school that I am an enlisted member of the Army.. oh well. I'll have plenty of time to prove myself coming up.
I put on 2 pounds somehow this week. I don't like how much I weigh because I'm over the Army's limit and although I have my waiver already for being "overweight", I just thought it would be nice to be able to go into basic without having to worry about my weight. As of now it looks like I'll end up at the fat camp with a diet tray. Not that I'm opposed to the opportunity to get in better shape before I go to basic but I really want to get started on earning my rank.
So today I feel fat and like I've motivated myself for nothing. It's just a hard day. Everyone has them. I don't want to do this blog and pretend like my life is better than it actually is because I want to live the Army Core Values one of which is honesty.Although in bearing my soul I really hope that no one takes anything I say personally.
Today I watched a documentary called Iraq for sale. It's about the privatization of the work done in Iraq and how private contract companies are exploiting the American people. Although something like this would have caused me to be extremely offended a couple of years ago now I think that people should just accept the fact that things need to be done over in the Middle East. The troops over there can't be expected to carry out their missions *and* build their homes and bases even though they have done that and continue to do that.
I've started reading military blogs by people over in the MIddle East to get an unbiased view of what's going on over there. It's extremely interesting and if any of you are curious the site is www.milblogging.com.
I talked to my grandma today. It was nice. They're getting a lot of snow up in the Northeast and she doesn't have to work today which is good for her.
Okay that's all I have to say.. hopefully I'll have a better attitude tomorrow.

View My Milblogging.com Profile

a repeat performance...

I blog extensively on Myspace so I decided that this would be fun to copy and paste here even though I don't know if anyone is reading this...

My recruiter picked me up from my house at 8 am to go to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) and on the ride there briefed me (explained to me) about everything that was going to happen. I was just going for my physical so I didn't have to worry about the job aspect of signing anything.. I just had to make sure I could pass my ARMS (Assesment of Recruit Motivation and Strength) and that would be all.

So I get to my recruiters office and they sit me down and explain about the fact that the doctors at MEPS are going to try everything in their power to DQ(disqualify) you. So that got me a little nervous but they explained everything and had me do two test runs to make sure I wouldn't be too nervous. The bus came to pick me up at around 11 ish (and by bus I mean a huge Dodge Durango) I had to sit up front because I was the only girl and there were two other people in the car with me, one going for the Marines and the other for the Army. Introductions were made and the key questions of the experience were asked; What are you going into? and What's your MOS( military occupational skills). Easy to answer but some people are still unsure of what they want to do until they sit down with their branch liason. So we were halfway to Georgia to pick up another kid when we got a call that we had left someone behind. So arrangements were made to where the kid would be taken to Valdosta to be picked up by the other shuttle. We went back and got the forgotton boy who was shipping out to the Coast Guard boot camp.(Incidentally I found out that the Coast Guard is the most selective of all branches and takes 24 people per term.) So then we were off to Jacksonville. It was a long car ride and the CG boy was keeping us all entertained and we just chatted about life.

When we finally got to the hotel *around 2* we had to sign a paper saying that while we were at the hotel that we would not do certain things *such as drink or do drugs* we also had to be in our rooms by 10. Apon signing the paper the very disgruntled man behind the counter handed over the key and explained we'd have to show the MEPS envelope they key was in to get the dinner and breakfast buffet.

So I went to my room. It smelled terrible! But I turned on the heat and sprayed my hairspray around to get the smell out. So I called my parents to let them know I was alive and in Jacksonville and at that point it was only about 3 so I had nothing to do for two hours. I decided I should walk down to an organic food store that I had seen but when I went to leave my roommate showed up. She was nice and going into the Army as well. It was her second time to MEPS so all she had to do was go for a consult and then sign her papers. She was nice and asked if I wanted to go to steak and shake to get something to eat. I hadn't eaten all day so I was definitely for that. We went talked a little and got our food to bring back to the hotel. From there she got on her phone and talked for like an hour while I ate and then watched Date my Mom. Finally she got off her phone and started telling me about her, where she was from, things that she was looking forward to. I told her the same things back and around 6 we decided to go check out the buffet spread to see if there was anything fruit like.

We got to the restaurant and sat down with some macaroni and cheese and pink lemonade and were joined by another girl who was going into the navy. *we'll call her navy girl for the sake of continuity* She was awesome. No lie, we had a ton in common and we hit it off but my roommate wanted to go make some more phone calls so she left and when she did we heard a guy talking very loudly about politics. That's always a big no-no in my book when you're trying to meet people but this guy was repelling everyone he was talking to so navy girl and I started making fun of him by yelling recession loudly. There were two guys sitting at the table next to us and they laughed and asked if we wanted to sit with them and since we were done eating we were like sure. Then it was decided that to pass the time we should get cards/ While one of the guys we met *both the guys were joining the navy so bear with me* went to get the cards, a man came up reeking of alcohol and sat next to navy girl and started hitting on him and being a jerk with his wedding ring shining brightly from his ring finger. He sat around trying to get the other navy guy to leave with him to go get a drink, when navy guy tried to come up with excuses to leave the man*we'll call him crazy guy* followed him around and wen't so far as to grab his butt and say "you ain't gettin no pussy tonight". Very awkward. Then we decided to play rummy so I was explained the rules and we invited the first navy guy's roommate to play so he did and then after the game NG1's roommate left we took a little break and crazy guy showed up *again* and took navy girls drink chugged it and with a "that's how we do it airborne" threw the glass down. He was drunk as all get out. I guess no one explained that one of the first tests they do is the breathalizer. So after that we invite a couple of new people to play cards and we play spades for a while which is fun but then we started talking and got more and more people involved and stopped playing cards. It is so nice to meet people and within 20 minutes be comfortable saying whatever to them. So the group I was with ended up being me, navy girl and 4 guys. We went got milkshakes then went back to the hotel to go to bed.

The next morning we were woken up at 5 am by a lovely phone call but I had woken up a little earlier. I got dressed and went to meet navy girl. After a wonderfully uneventful and inedible breakfast we got onto a charter bus and from there we were shipped to MEPS.

MEPS is a big white official looking building which makes sense you walk in there a civilian and walk out an enlisted member of the United States Armed Forces. So we get off the bus where we're told to form up. So we stand in lines and are quickly briefed about what we are going to do and then are separated into different components*shippers, applicants etc*. When I entered the building it was warm and I had to walk through a metal detector when we were then instructed to take off our outerwear and leave our bags in the cubbies provided then we were sent to sit in a room and wait to get our next briefing. We sat down and a Sergeant walked in and explained all about MEPS and what we would be doing. He then separated the Army people from everyone else. Then we went to get name tags and a blank medical file. *This is the point where I realized I left my Social security card and birth certificate with my papers and I need to get them when I go back to MEPS* After that we're put into the computer so that everyone knows that we're there and then shuffled down to the medcial area where we were again briefed about what to expect. After that we went to get blood pressure taken and the nurse let me know that my pulse was too high and if I didn't get it down that I would be dq'ed. So I went to get my vision checked and apparently I don't have 20/20 vision so they tried to figure out my prescription but couldn't so I had to go back there later. Then I went over to get my hearing checked but before I could start they said that the females had to go to get briefed for our physical so that we did.

We went through 3 doors to get to the room to be weighed and measured and then to give a urine sample. Because there were only 11 of us we all got along and talked and had a good time. After finding out I wasn't pregnant and didn't have kidney stones I got to go have my blood drawn. That wasn't bad then back to the room where all of us girls had to get down to our underwear and do 24 orthopedic motions to make sure we didn't have anything wrong. Once that was passed it was time to finish vision and hearing if you didnt and see the doctors if you did. So I went and found out that I'm near sighted... I don't go around reading things far away and it was never that bad so oh well. Then I found out that I have really good hearing. So then back to the back room to see the doctor and have every inch of me examined. Very awkward again but nothing's wrong with me so that works.

Then came the difficult part, the ARMS test. It's 5 minutes stepping up and down from a 12'' box at 120 bmp. If that sounds easy try it, my legs are still killing me. Then for females you have to complete 4 push ups which I did. When I passed I teared up because that meant that I would be physically qualified and that mattered the most to me.

Thus ended my physical and day at MEPS. Long day but it made me realize how much I will love the military. I go back to swear in and get a card so I can go onto military bases :] I'm very excited and I hope you enjoyed this .

That's about it :] I had a ton of fun and I'm still waiting for the Colonel to call :( but I will call my recruiter tomorrow to make sure I haven't missed her call.

I hope everyone's having fun and getting into a festive mood because I know I am!

To begin with...

Okay so this is my first ever blog post. I've posted on my Myspace blog etc but never in a public one so here we go...

First I want to say that I am so excited to be going into the Army and I am proud to have the chance to serve my country... with that being said I'll go into some details about who I am and why exactly I chose the Army.

I graduated 21st from high school and was extremely lazy and spoiled when I went off to college. I made enough mistakes to land myself in about 10,000 dollars worth of debt and through fighting with my parents and wasting the money I was making I ended up homeless and alone. My parents eventually took me back in but by that point they had moved to where I am now, and I am stuck in the middle of nowhere anxiously awaiting Basic Training.

I can't say that the Army has always been a goal of mine. My mother brought up the military as my final option and when she did that I cried like a baby, however, through much soul searching I realized that this is what I want and I'm willing to do anything to achieve success in the Army. 

To be completely honest my dad didn't want me anywhere near the Army, so we went to see the Air Force recruiter. It was a miserable experience for me and I wish that I had gone to the Army first because the Army treated me like a human being who meant something to them instead of just a number. 

Through the Air Force I took the ASVAB and got a 94, which wasn't exactly surprising, I've always been really smart when it comes to tests and things you learn in classes. * Common sense is a whole other story though* So I thought that I could get into the Air Force faster since I could go into any MOS.

Things didn't work quite like that though and 2 months after I first spoke to my Air Force recruiter I called the Army. I introduced myself, told the First Sergeant my ASVAB scores, and mentioned that I would like to leave for BCT as soon as I could. She sounded really excited and told me to come up to the office on Monday and we could start everything.

When I heard that I was so excited, until I looked up the Army weight requirements. When I moved to where I am now I weighed 190 lbs. *I was quite a porker* I had dropped the 25 lbs to make it to Air Force requirements but that was still over my Army requirement and in the time it was taking the Air Force to send me to MEPS I had gained 5 pounds back. So when I went in I talked to my new recruiter and she took my measurements and let me know that I was over the maximum body fat % but that there was the ARMS test. *Assessment of Recruit Motivation and Strength* 

So we went through the motions, I had a few juvenile incidents which had to be cleared up and a traffic ticket that I couldn't pay but my recruiter paid for me saying that I could pay her back when I got my first check in basic. * That was the point where everything started to work out for me*  

On my first trip to MEPS I hadn't received my waiver from the CO*commanding officer*  so I just did the physical portion. * Let me say here that the ARMS test was all about motivation. If the nurse giving me my test hadn't cheered me on the entire time I don't think I could have made it*. Once I passed that I came home.

I've done the first of two interviews now and once I complete my second interview *God-willing that will be today* I can leave for my second MEPS trip where I'll pick my MOS *military occupational specialty I'm hoping for 68 W- which is essentially combat medic :]* and be sworn in. I'm planning on leaving for basic in January. The only thing I'm worried about now is that my ARMS test only lasts for 30 days so if I don't get back to MEPS before they leave for Christmas then I'll be up a creek without a paddle. 

In the mean time I want to keep track of the things I'm doing everyday to prepare myself physically and mentally for the next stage of my life. I try to work out everyday but I know I'm not working as hard as  I could so I'm also hoping for the people who read my blog to help me get the motivation I need for this. I currently weigh 167 lbs and I am 5'7. So if I can lose 4 lbs then I'll be fine as far as the physical goes but any suggestions people have for work outs would be greatly appreciated. Currently I run a mile in the morning then do as many push ups as I can on stairs followed by sit ups. I only eat the three meals daily and today is my official last day of soda drinking so I'm hoping to cut out everything I can before I leave. 

Mentally I'm trying to focus on good things and good times that I can remember when I think that I can't do something. I'm also memorizing things such as the General Orders and the Army Core Values. I feel like if I start living the Values now I'll be set in whatever I choose to do.

Ultimately in the Army I'd like to get through BCT and AIT to come out on the other side and I want to be deployed to the MIddle East while I'm fresh out of training. After the 4 years I'm signing up for I want to go to Medical School to become and Orthopedic Surgeon which has always been my dream. I plan to go in on the HPSP scholarship from the Army in order to come out with my M.D. and pay back the Army for the years they paid me for. I'll be a captain in the Army after that program and I'd just like to continue moving up. 

I know this is the right thing for me and for once I feel okay about everything that I'm doing.